It’s the first day of another calender year.
The day when everyone makes a long list of things that they want to do or become over the next 36o-ish days and attempt to keep to it for about a week. *smiles ruefully*
Yes, it’s that time of year when the adverts for Gyms, Diet books and Slimming Clubs go through the roof. When debt management companies and banks rub their hands with glee as the requests for credit come rolling in. When people vow to be a better person and then break it after a single glass of wine.
It’s that time of year when you take a good long hard look at yourself and realise that what you’ve been living for the last year / five years/ ten years/ lifetime has become a roundabout that you can’t get off.
It doesn’t always pay to look into your soul. There will often be something nasty in there staring back at you that you’ve been ignoring in the hope that it will go away…
I woke up this morning and realised that the house was a tip, I hadn’t washed up or tidied in about three days and that the kids were hungry.
Well, mostly because my kids are always hungry at the moment, they’ve been outgrowing their clothes faster than I can buy or make them!
That’s not what I meant. I meant why did you only just realise it?
For the last few days I haven’t really been thinking or looking at things around me properly. I was attempting to get everything done at once and despite knowing that it never works, I was still trying to do it.
What were you trying to do?
You want the list? Okay –
- Keep my relationship on a level keel.
- Finish all the coursework I still have outstanding.
- Clean the house by myself.
- Feed the children.
- Balance my finances in my head.
- Write a novella.
- Work out exactly I was going to do when I finish my course in July.
- Make jewellery for several different people.
- Look after myself.
- Get the webzine sorted out.
- Keep my web presence going.
- Looking for a job.
I was washing up enough stuff to be able to feed the children, grabbing a moment or two with TOH, doing a bit of each of the pieces of coursework, designing jewellery on paper and generally despairing that I wasn’t getting the results I wanted from any of it!!
The thing is, when you try to do everything at once, nothing actually gets done. Oh, bits of it are done, but never the whole task.
So when I woke up and the kids said “we’re hungry” I went into feeding mode. Then I looked at the washing up and decided to get that done. While I was washing up, this whole thing smacked me in the face.
Funny how having your hands busy with a menial task does that to you.
I got three quarters of the way through the washing up before I decided what my change for this year was going to be.
And it’s only one change.
Why only one change?
Because I don’t need to change anything else about myself.
That’s the thing I actually realised. I’m actually pretty happy with who I am. The things that bothered me last year (my weight and how I look, where I am going in life) aren’t bothering me any more. And the reason for that, is that I’m happy in what I’m doing day to day (studying, Creating,) so I’m confident about myself.
What’s the change then?
I need to change how I do things.
That’s a pretty big change.
No, it’s not really. It’s a change in how I do things. Instead of doing everything at once, I need to prioritize and get each task done before starting the next one.
No, it’s not the end of the world! I really do mean to make this change. How I can do it however, is the tricky bit. Mostly because there are things that are more important than others and I have to decide how important those things are.
Why is that hard?
Simple. Certain things impact on other people and that’s the tricky bit. I have to decide how important the impact will be as well and if I should really do the thing.
Can you stop being so cryptic, please?
No I can’t. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and finish the washing up.
*walks away purposefully.*