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Monster Monday

So, did you enjoy your encounter with the Gremlin? *looks at her bandaged finger ruefully* I hope you did!

Today I am going to acquaint you with a rather more dangerous creature. This one is going to take a little preparation, so if you don’t mind me stepping out for a second…

*leaves the room and comes back ten minutes later wearing a full Hazmat suit with air tanks. She connects herself to the computer.*

Can everyone hear me alright? Good. I suggest that you take appropriate precautions too, something like a gas mask would be a good idea.

*waits patiently while audience prepares themselves*

All done? Good. Okay then, I’ll bring today’s creature into the room.

*presses a button on the computer. A door opens and a creature waddles in with a metal collar around its neck. Almost immediately, the air fills with a foul green smoke and the worst fart smell possible*

Stand here please. *points to an area marked in red tape. The creature waddles across, glaring at her. It stands in the area, swinging its head irritably* Thank you.

Now here we have the Dungeon Custodian’s favourite front line Demon. As you can see the Poison Demon is immensely and incredibly obese. In fact I would go so far as to say that most Poison Demons are twice as big as Pearl from the movie “Blade”, yet they are still capable of movement.

*The demon growls and stamps its feet. More green smoke and foul smell is added to the already putrid atmosphere.*

The secret to their existence is inside their massive torsos, where there resides five stomachs. Each one has acid the same strength as an Alien Queen’s saliva and is capable of digesting almost anything living.

This contributes to the demons usefulness in battle as the Poison Demon fills its belly just before battle and the quantity of gas produced by the digestion is tripled by the excitement a creature of the Overlord feels at the prospect of battle with Heroes.

Every step they take is accompanied by a released of highly toxic and disgusting scented gas which can knock out a brigade of Dwarves at fifty feet.

*points at the hazmat suit* You can see why I have taken these precautions now.

*The demon grins, lifts one foot slightly and farts massively, knocking the waste paper basket over with the gas.*

Thank you so much for that demonstration. *she rolls her eyes* The demon is not just a walking anesthetic however. Every Poison Demon has two long horizontal horns protruding from their heads by three feet. It has become common practice amongst Dungeon Custodians to attach weapons to these horns.

*The demon growls and shakes his head, rattling long chains attached to his horns.*

As you can see, this particular demon has had large four bladed axe heads attached to his horns. The demons train with these weapons from the moment they are attached and can perform a variety of moves with them, including wrapping them around an enemy and throttling them.

The downsides to this particular breed of creature, is that they are very expensive to feed, difficult to keep happy and as they get bigger and stronger, they become a lot lazier, forcing the Custodian to use pain to emphasize their orders.

They are however, incredible artisans and the stronger, more intelligent Poison Demons can produce traps of great imagination and subtlety. And as we all know, traps are a vital line of defense in the building of a dungeon.

*Demon looks pleased and buffs its nails.*

Well, that’s all for Monster Monday this week.

I hope you have found this as interesting and informative as I have striven to make it. I go to great lengths to extract these creatures and it can be difficult to obtain their… co-operation.

*Demon roars, shaking the room.*

Oh all right. I promised that you’d be freed after this. *presses a button on the computer. The collar around the demon’s neck pops pen and falls to the floor.* See? I keep my promises.

*The Demon looks happy and starts to move. As it shifts its weight there is a wail of an alarm and a trapdoor opens beneath the demon. It looks confused, walking in mid air for a moment before realizing what has happened and roaring again as it drops into the hole beneath it.*

I didn’t say that I’d let you out into our Dimension though. Bye Bye.  *Trapdoor shuts* And back to the Overlord it goes.

See you all next week!