One of these days my friendly face and listening ear is going to get me into trouble.
You did read the title of this blog didn’t you? Or am I going to have to tell you everything from the beginning?
That’s a good point. This is my first time “blogging” and I’m still a little confused about how you actually do it.
Well for a start, I’m not used to being listened to. Yes, I know that I’m writing this down and you’re reading it, but it is a form of listening. You click on my blog from a link elsewhere or from a google search and find yourself here, reading my words and imagining my voice talking to you.
I wonder what I sound like inside your head?
I suppose that you have a million questions that you’d like to ask me. Can you wait until you’ve finished reading to do it? Or should I wait for you to tire yourself out asking?
Lets see if I can guess what you’re going to ask. We’ll turn it into a game and you can score me on how well I actually do. Okay? I’ll give you ten questions.
Good. Let’s go then.
Why is your blog called “Confessions of an Unintentional Bar Tender”?
Because I’m not a Bar Tender. Oh, I’ve worked behind a bar before and that’s possibly one of the ways I learned my listening skills, but I am actually a Jewellery Designer. I spend my days surrounded by beads, semi-precious stones, wires of all colours and metals… and they don’t talk.
You didn’t answer the question.
Sorry. Bad habit of mine. I often try to slide away from the questions I am asked, even when they are being asked by my own mind!
Right. “Confessions of an Unintentional Bar Tender” was something that came to mind when I was deciding what to blog about. It’s all wrapped up in how I decided to blog in the first place. But to make a long story short, I often feel like the sterotypical Bar Tender.
You know, the type that looks honest and friendly but will keep your secrets and refill your drink until they’ve decided that you’ve had enough to drink and very gently take your car key from you and call you a cab.
Why do you feel like a Bar Tender?
Because people talk to me. I can be sat by myself on a bus or a train, or even in a coffee shop and unless I actually look like I am doing something, I’ll end up having to listen to someone talk to me.
I’ve had people interrupt me when I’m reading or working sometimes, just because they’ve talked to me before and want to get something off their chest.
Why “Confessions” though?
You haven’t been listening. People talk to me. They tell me things. Some of those things I would rather not have heard or even want to think about, but I can’t help hearing. I try to tune out when people are talking to me, put a few non committal grunts or interim noises in to keep them flowing, but it doesn’t always work.
So why are you writing about them?
I’m not really. The thing is, as a Jewellery Designer, I need to be able to flow creatively. I need a clear mind and a calm heart to be able to work at my best. The things people tell me, they clutter up that clear space and until I discovered blogging, I didn’t have anywhere to put them. I tried journalling, but it didn’t work.
So what are you writing about?
Life. Love. Hate. Fear. Humanity I suppose, even though some of my “clients” haven’t really been human. If you are sentient, if you think and feel then you will have doubts and concerns; happiness and sadness that just needs to be expressed.
Sometimes I wish that I could just point them towards blogging and wipe them out of my mind, but I was brought up to be a nice, polite girl and to push them away would invalidate that, make me feel evil.
Yes, I’m female, and that’s your sixth question. Would you like me to describe myself or would you like to change it?
Why don’t you post a picture of yourself then? It’d save you having to describe yourself.
Oh come on. I’ve been the listening ear of some very important people. Do you really think they want my face connected to this? Although I do change names and descriptions of the people I write about…
Ah. Go on, describe yourself then.
I’m five foot eight inches, have brown hair and eyes. My figure has been called everything from curvaceous to fat, but I’m fairly happy with it at the moment. I tan slowly, and I’m usually pale due to the nature of my work – you can’t really sit in the sun and work with metal.
I’m patient and I don’t bore easily. That’s another plus to both my intended career and my unintentional one; I can usually find something interesting in what people are saying or what I am doing.
How many people have talked to you?
I’ve never thought about that one. It’s been happening to me since I was quite young, so I suppose that the count must be in the thousands by now.
Where do you meet these people?
That’s question number eight. And the answer to it is – everywhere. I don’t physically seek them out, they just seem to find me. Like I’m a blip on their personal radar that they have to find.
Does it happen a lot?
Hmm – is that nine? I think it is, but I’ll let it go. Yes, it happens a lot. It happens everywhere I go and sometimes, I get the same people talking to me over and over again, like they deliberately follow that radar blip to me. It can get annoying, especially when I am on a date or out with friends… and before you waste a question, I’ll confirm that last sentence.
Yes, I do have friends and I do date. But I am not going to tell you anything about it. This blog is for clearing out the stuff in my head that isn’t mine.
Are you a real person?
Hah. I knew that would come up – and it’s definitely question nine. Yes I am real. Are my “Clients” real? I’ll let you decide that one. Are the situations I blog about real? Again, I’ll let you make your own mind up on that one. I’m nothing if not accommodating to people’s personal quirks.
Do you ever break a confidence? Do you keep things secret all the time?
This is where I tend to come unstuck. At the beginning, I would keep the secret no matter what. And at that point in time, it didn’t matter. I mean, I used to hear all the latest news at school and only ever passed on the non personal stuff. I am not a gossip.
That changed rather nastily for me when I was ten. I’m not going to tell you why or how because I am still rather upset at what happened and it was the moment that I made the decision that where it involved the life or health of my “Client” or someone around them, I would tell the appropriate people. For my health and safety. And Sanity.
That’s the real reason I am writing this – my sanity. I was starting to come unstuck in the mind. The Psychologist I spoke to through the doctor’s suggested the journalling, but that never helped – it was always there, ready to be read through again and again. I was brought up to respect books and I found that I couldn’t just throw them away or burn them…
Okay, that’s enough about me. You’ve had your ten questions. I’ll answer any that pop up later.