Category: Random thoughts and ramblings

9 years of Blogging…

I opened up my PC this morning with the intention of using my ridiculously early start – SB got me up at 4.30, had some milk and promptly fell asleep again – and decided to be proactive.

I started working on the very first Children’s Rhyming Story I EVER wrote for my kids; “Where Are My Socks?” and realised that I hadn’t touched the MS for 5 years.

Where does the time go?

Anyhoo, I started updating things on it and when it came to changing the website in the bio, opened up WordPress, only to find that it’s my Site’s 9th Birthday.
Another shock was when I looked at the current post and found that I hadn’t posted anything since November 2019… three months ago!

I swear that time is moving faster and faster these days,

I haven’t published anything for ages either. Oh I’ve written dribs and drabs, drawn a whole load of things and been active on social media- I just haven’t had the energy or headspace to actually publish anything!

I’ve also had that conversation that every writer has with themselves – the “Should I give up on this entirely?” one – but somehow I’ve always been able to persuade myself to just carry on as is, just working on one thing at a time and trying my best to ignore Blerg as he sits on my shoulder telling me that I ought to give up on it…

But on days like this, when it’s just me and my thoughts, it seems all so doable…

Where, oh where, oh where have I been?

I’ve been to London to visit the… nah… I’m not quite that famous yet! Her Majesty hasn’t invited me to anything at all… I’m just playing.

What I have been up to is wrestling with my ASD. I’ve had so many Brain Fog days that it’s felt like I’m permanantly living in a cloud. It’s upended my finances, ruined many moments with my family that should have otherwise been wonderful and put Puff’s motivation at an all time low.

When I have a Brain Fog day, it’s like I can only just see the next task in front of me and anything to do with the future (even as near as tomorrow) is completely invisible. The technical term is called “Executive Dysfunction” (I’ll let you go look it up if you feel that curious) and it plays merry havok with my ability to live day to day, let alone write, create or make something.

A road disappearing into the fog amongst trees. This illustrates my "Executive Dysfunction" perfectly.
I know I was supposed to be doing something…

In practical terms, this means that I haven’t written anything for ages, publishing and anything more complicated in the craft section of my world than crocheting my blanket has been out of the question.

It’s been so hard to try and focus on anything other than day to day life that I almost gave up on life itself… almost.

Then I started a woodworking class – decided to do something different for a change – and it has slowly drawn me out of that fog bank.

It’s not quite a sunny outlook yet, but I have managed a few words on “Curious World” as part of my NaNo project, so the weather has moved from solid fog bank, to light mist.

Puff is relieved and his motivation level is climbing, but we are certainly by no means out of the clouds yet…

Give it time.

A New Video of Rambling Me…

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I bet you’ve been wondering about what I am doing at the moment… my last post was on 28th May and I’ve been pushing myself on various real world fronts for the last couple of weeks so the schedule I had set myself fell by the wayside.

So today I gathered my courage, waited for SB to go down for his nap and made a video…

“What? Another one? You’re getting so bold!” I hear you say… (snorts)…

It’s about 20 minutes of me waffling about the Author & Muse stories (including a sneak peak of some that haven’t appeared on the blog yet), so I don’t expect a big reception for it. It’s not massively exciting and while there is new things being talked about, they aren’t the sort of things that make for lots of viewing figures… but we all have to start somewhere I suppose.

This whole video making experience is a huge learning curve for me – I haven’t yet actually aimed the camera at my face (still too self concious I think) but you can hear me which gives me huge shivers – I have problems listening to myself at the best of times… actually letting other people (via the net) hear my voice is terrifying!

This is the fourth of these videos and it hasn’t got any easier!!
I need to play with it a little and see if I can make it look more professional…

So keep your eyes and ears opened (if you’re interested in this that is) and I’ll get back to you when I have made the video public.